How Will My Divorce Affect My Kids?

The ending of any relationship can be devastating, especially if you and your partner have spent several years building a life together. As you prepare to part ways and move toward separate and independent futures, there are several decisions and considerations that you must address before you can walk away. Washington State’s “no-fault” divorce model aims to streamline the divorce and legal separation process to ensure that either party may terminate the marriage without having to provide evidence or cite a specific reason for doing so. 

In order to file for divorce in Washington, one spouse must simply state that the relationship is no longer viable and beyond repair because of irreconcilable differences. The duration and complexity of the divorce process vary significantly from case to case. Generally speaking, couples who have only been married for a brief period and are in agreement that divorce is the best option are more likely to move through the divorce process more quickly than couples who have been married for decades or those who have acquired a substantial amount of assets over the years. Moreover, divorcing parents face additional considerations and challenges during the divorce process, as they must create a parenting plan, negotiate custody arrangements, and help their children adjust to their new realities after the divorce is finalized. 

It’s no surprise that divorce can be a disruptive event in a child’s life, causing them uncertainty, stress, and grief during this challenging time. However, enlisting the guidance of a dedicated and caring Seattle divorce attorney is the best way to ensure that your child’s best interests remain protected at every turn and that you and your child are able to move forward into a brighter and more stable future. Let’s take a look at the ways in which the divorce process may affect your child and the steps you can take to ease this transition as much as possible.

Understanding Parenting Plans in Washington State

If you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse have any children under the age of 18, you will need to create a parenting plan that addresses important aspects of each parent’s role in caring for the child after the divorce. For instance, the parenting plan determines whether both parents will make joint decisions regarding the child’s educational or healthcare needs or whether one parent will only have limited authority to make such decisions. The parenting plan will also address the ways in which the parents will resolve any disputes that may arise (i.e., through mediation, arbitration, or counseling). The parents can also establish the child’s weekly schedule with both parents, including holidays and vacations. Essentially, the parenting plan serves as a guide for fostering strong and meaningful relationships between the child and both parents after the marriage ends. While many couples are able to work together to complete the parenting plan, others may need additional support to move through their disagreements along the way. Enlisting the guidance of a knowledgeable and compassionate Seattle divorce attorney is a great strategy to ensure that you are giving your children (and yourself) a solid foundation from which to grow and thrive once the marriage ends.

Supporting the Child’s Best Interests

Washington laws strive to serve and protect the best interests of the children. When the court makes decisions about a child’s residential schedule, it aims to provide the child with frequent and meaningful contact with both parents, so long as the parents are capable of keeping the child safe. Moreover, it’s essential to recognize that Washington laws prohibit divorce courts from giving preference to either parent on the basis of the parent’s gender. Fathers should not automatically assume that the court will award the child’s mother more parenting time simply based on gender. Instead, the court strives to place the child with a parent who is able to take a more active role in caring for the child. As long as both parents can provide a safe and stable environment for the child, the court will seek a residential and visitation arrangement that gives both parents enough time and opportunity to build lasting and meaningful relationships.

Factors That May Limit a Parent’s Contact With Their Child

There are some factors that may prompt the court to limit a parent’s time or contact with the children. Generally, any known history of abuse or violence will likely impede a parent’s ability to interact with or care for the child. The court must consider limiting a parent’s time with the child if that individual, or someone residing with them, has engaged in willful abandonment of the child, physical or sexual abuse of any child, or acts of domestic violence or assault against anyone. If you have been convicted of certain sex crimes involving an underage victim, you will likely have extremely limited time with your child (and usually, this time will be supervised). In some cases, the court may require you to complete a parenting class, submit to regular drug tests, or attend substance abuse treatment in order to spend time with your child in some way. As a parent, it can be hard to feel cut off from your child. It’s best to work with an experienced and empathetic divorce lawyer who can help you seek the treatment you need and find ways to provide a safe and stable environment so you can spend more quality time with your child. 

Other Factors Involved in Custody Determinations 

If both parents are able to provide a safe and stable home environment for their child, the court will consider several other factors to establish a parenting plan that encourages both parents to forge meaningful bonds with the child. The court will look at the child’s emotional needs, development, relationship with siblings, educational needs, and other relevant factors. Additionally, the court will assess the work schedule of each parent and the relative strength and stability of the child’s relationship with each parent. Whenever possible, the court will seek an arrangement that gives the child equal time with each parent to ensure that both parents can spend time caring for the child. Ultimately, the court wants to provide the child with the strongest foundation possible to ease the transition to their new, post-divorce way of life with minimal disruptions.

Supporting Your Child During the Divorce Process in Seattle

Divorce is a significant event for everyone involved. As you struggle with the ending of your romantic partnership, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and uncertain about what lies ahead. It’s especially important to understand that you do not have to go through this challenging time alone. Leaning on trusted friends and family members is a great way to give you the relief and reassurance you need during this difficult life transition. Many people find that working with a therapist is a helpful way for them to move through the divorce process while sorting through the complex emotions that accompany the separation. Mental health therapists and counselors can provide you with tools for managing conflict, setting goals, and navigating each step of the legal separation process. As a parent, you are also thinking about the ways in which the divorce is impacting your children. Below are a few strategies that can support your children during this chaotic transition.

Maintain Open and Frequent Communication

It’s easy to get swept up in all the details of the divorce. However, be sure to check in with your child regularly to see how they are feeling and coping with this significant disruption. Some parents find it helpful to schedule regular times to talk to their child, such as going for a walk or getting an ice cream together a few times each week. Every conversation does not have to be deep and meaningful—the purpose of these regular check-ins is simply to reassure your child that you are there for them when they need to talk, vent, or discuss any topic at any time. 

Refrain From Criticizing Your Ex

If you are in the middle of a particularly contentious and bitter divorce, it may be tempting to badmouth your ex in front of your child. However, it’s essential to remember that your ex is your child’s parent, too, and saying hurtful things about their other parent can be counterproductive or even harmful. As angry as you may feel toward your ex, try to save such grievances for talks with your friends, family members, or therapist. Instead, focus the conversations you have with your child on other topics that calm and support your child’s well-being.

From a more practical perspective, courts are not above punishing parents that fight about (or even mention) the case in front of the children. Legally, children are to be kept out of the dispute at all times, and Judges frown upon any party that breaks that taboo too flagrantly. It is emotionally ideal to be civil, but it is also tactically optimal as well. 

Set Goals and Start Moving Towards Them

It’s essential to recognize that everything is temporary. As hopeless as you may feel right now, the divorce will be finalized at some point—freeing you to move on and begin the next chapter of your life. Working with your child to set goals for this next chapter can be empowering and encouraging, as you can start laying the foundation for what lies ahead. Your child will enjoy having concrete goals to focus on as you leave the past behind and walk together into the future. 

Although the prospect of pursuing a divorce in Washington State may seem daunting, you do not have to go through this challenging period alone. Reach out to the dedicated and caring divorce and family law attorneys at the Hemmat Law Group today at (206) 682-5200 to start exploring your options for ending your marriage and moving forward with greater certainty and confidence.